The End of an Affair!

Posted under: Advice by Sally

How often have you wondered about the various reasons which contribute for the failure of a marriage? Experts note that two people come together in marriage, they should think beyond their individual demands and start considering themselves as couple. Most often couples do not realize that in order to stay married; they should adjust to those changes which are an inevitable part of marriage. Infidelity, in recent times has been noted as one of the main reasons for marriage break-ups and it causes great pain to partners who often cannot bear the shock of being betrayed.

There are distrusts which will lead to breakdown of marriage. When you are married, you will suddenly find that your expenses have doubled. Rearing a family is no mean task. Couples should learn to bear the financial burden together and there should be a consensus in money spending habits. An extravagant partner can ruin a relationship. There are many who have unrealistic expectations from a marriage. While reading romantic novels, they tend to think that everything in marriage can be equated with a Cinderella story. These idealized visions look good in stories and living happily ever after can only happen in books. If you want your marriage to work, you will have to make adjustments and compromises. You need to care for each other’s needs. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage; the couple has to work to make the marriage perfect. One should always expect good things from a marriage, but in no way the expectations should take the form of unrealistic proportions.

Serving Your Divorce Papers

Posted under: Law by Sally

Divorce is a difficult time for any couple, with emotions running high and often an unpleasant undertone. Serving your divorce papers is often seen as a final symbolic statement of the death of the marriage, and if it hadn?t hit home until that point that your marriage has ended, the divorce papers will achieve that realisation. Thus serving divorce papers is often a traumatic, but nevertheless essential practice in bringing the marriage to its legal conclusion. But when should you serve your divorce papers, and how does the process of serving work?

Serving your divorce papers isn?t a decision to take lightly, and it is an important legal process. However, because of its final nature, it?s important to time your delivery. Make sure there are no means to negotiation remaining with your former partner, and that there is no room for reconciliation except through the legal process. Serve the papers when you are sure you have exhausted all other avenues available, and when you are convinced it is the only available next step.

The process of serving divorce papers requires some form of acceptance from your spouse, which is usually in the form of a signature through accepted delivery. The deliver is usually conducted by the postal service, recorded delivery to provide proof that the petition was received by the spouse. The divorce papers themselves detail the legal case for divorce and the request made to the court ? in this case, that the marriage be legally nullified.

Prior to serving divorce papers, it is essential to get in touch with an attorney qualified and experienced in dealing with divorce issues, which will ensure you adhere to all the procedural requirements of filing for divorce. Likewise, your attorney will be able to advise you as to the best way to complete and serve the relevant paperwork, and how to proceed with your case in court. While you will have to pay professional rates for their services, it is worthwhile to secure a strong lawyer in your field, with a view to settling on the best possible financial deal as a result of your divorce proceedings.

Children have the right to:

1. Continue to love both parents without guilt or disapproval by either parent or other relatives.

2. Be repeatedly reassured that the divorce is not their fault.

3. Be reassured they are safe and their needs will be provided for.

4. Have a special place for their own belongings at both parent’s residences.

5. Visit both parents regardless of what the adults in the situation feel, and regardless of convenience, or money situations.

6. Express anger and sadness in their own way, according to age and personality (not have to give justification for their feelings or have to cope with trying to be talked out of their feelings by adults).

7. Not be messengers between parents; not to carry notes, legal papers, money or requests between parents.

8. Not make adult decisions, including where they will live, where and when they will be picked up or dropped off, or who is to blame.

9. Love as many people as they choose without being made to feel guilty or disloyal.


10. Continue to be kids, i.e. not take on adult duties and responsibilities or become a parent’s special confidant, companion or comforter (i.e. not to hear repeatedly about financial problems or relationship difficulties).

11. Stay in contact with relatives, including grandparents and special family friends.

12. Choose to spend at least one week a year living apart from their custodial parent.

13. Not be on an airplane, train or bus on major holidays for the convenience of adults.

14. Have teachers and school informed about the new status of their family.

15. Have time with each parent doing activities that create a sense of closeness and special memories.

16. Have a daily and weekly routine that is predictable and can be verified by looking at a schedule on a calendar in a system understandable to the child. (For instance: a green line represents the scheduled time with dad, and a purple line represents the scheduled time with mom, etc.)

17. Participate in sports, special classes or clubs that support their unique interests, and have adults that will get them to these events, on time without guilt or shame.

18. Contact the absent parent and have phone conversations without eavesdropping or tape-recording.

19. Ask questions and have them answered respectfully with age-appropriate answers that do not include blaming or belittlement’s of anyone.

20. Be exposed to both parents’ religious ideas (without shame), hobbies, interests and tastes in food.

21. Have consistent and predictable boundaries in each home. (Although the rules in each house may differ significantly, each parent’s set of rules needs to be predictable within their household.)

22. Be protected from hearing adult arguments and disputes.

23. Have parents communicate (even if only in writing) about their medical treatment, psychological treatment, educational issues, accidents and illnesses.

24. Not be interrogated upon return from the other parent’s home or asked to spy in the other parent’s home.

25. Own pictures of both parents.

26. Choose to talk with a special adult about their concerns and issues (counselor, therapist or special friend).